


I Can Feel You Behind My Eyes

by agirlnamedtruth



Category: The Borgias (2011)
Genre: F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Incest, POV Female Character, Post canon, Sibling Incest, Stream of Consciousness, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-01-10
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:56:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agirlnamedtruth/pseuds/agirlnamedtruth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's no one else to trust.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can Feel You Behind My Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt "there's no one else to trust" at comment fic.
> 
> Title taken from [Bloodstream](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3b1CDLsiGU) by Stateless.

Lucrezia runs a hand over her belly, through where Cesare’s seed spilled over her skin. She could remember thinking how the only thing that could console her might be another child like she only said it yesterday but she still couldn’t bring herself to let Cesare have that one last intimacy. She couldn’t commit that one final sin even as she revelled in every other one conceivable. But she stroked her stomach all the same, like she could bear the thought of bringing another child into this world of theirs.

She tells him she can’t risk a child out of wedlock, even as he holds Giovanni as he cries, shushing him back to sleep so that he might have a little longer with her. She says she’s wiser now, has grown up. She no longer believes in throwing caution to the wind in the name of love. Even as she risks it all in Cesare’s arms.

Even though he is separated from her, beside her, she can still feel him inside. Filling her. Completing her. Eyes in the darkness of her soul, whispering that everything will be fixed. He will fix everything. They fix nothing. He destroys. He burns. He kills. But there is nothing left to hurt her and for that, she will put her hands into the flames and burn herself to match him. Because if she had the means, if she had a stronger heart, she would burn and destroy and kill, just to be at peace for one moment with him. For a brief respite from the sinking feeling of disaster that threatens to overwhelm her. Shatter the delusion she lives in. Ruin her palace built on ambition and betrayal and a love that couldn’t be spoken aloud. Only between them. Only in whispers. Touches. Kisses.

She has changed as much as he has. She still wears blood, even while Cesare bathes her in proclamations of purity and beauty. She will never be rid of the blood, her hands smear it over his skin every place she touches. They will never be clean. There is not enough water in the world. Only he knows that, only he understands. Only he can make her see that perhaps, perhaps it isn’t so wrong to want these things, to need such things to be whole. Placing herself in his hands, her immortal soul in his care, for a while the darkness inside will taper down to just their love. He is the only one she can trust. She is the only one she can trust him with. There is nobody else left. She is both the fuel that feeds and the water that extinguishes the fire that runs from her into him. She is a pyromancer, afraid of the flame.

She closes her eyes. The words inside her mind bitter, dark, wild. She loves him too much. She always has but it is no longer the innocent love of children, the familial love of siblings or the infatuated feeling between lovers. It is everything and it will consume her. And she will welcome it.

**Author's Note:**

> As of 01/01/18, I'm opting to disable comments. [More information here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13077201).


End file.
